


Again

by beaglesinbowties (Girlblunder)



Series: Collide [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Torture, Sexual Content, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-11 10:45:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girlblunder/pseuds/beaglesinbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when Alex thinks she's got a handle on life after Kara's wedding, things change in ways she would never expect.</p><p>Part 2 in the "Collide" Trilogy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea a while ago but I hadn't intended to execute it so soon. Fast forward to numerous requests on tumblr for more angst and pain for both Alex and Kara, and so this idea was pushed to the forefront of my Alex/Kara projects. You wanted angst; be careful what you wish for.
> 
> Take heed of the tags, though this first part is probably the easiest. Chapter two is already written but it shan't be posted until I have most, if not all, of chapter three finished. I hope to have the entirety of this fic posted within the next week - two weeks tops.
> 
> This picks up immediately after "Once."

* * *

Alex wakes up only two hours after falling asleep, and she's not surprised to find herself alone. Her eyes are gritty from crying herself to sleep, but in a way she's relieved. Kara isn't here, and she recognizes that this way is just _easier_. She's a walking mix of hurt and relief, and the combination of the two is disorienting as she tries to decide what to do next.

Her heart pounds like crazy when she finds the bathroom occupied. She can hear the shower running, and she decides that she'll just keep things easy. The ' _I'm sorry_ ' Kara had whispered to her the night before lingers in her mind.

She's fully clothed when she slips out to the main part of the hotel suite and past the various groggy forms of the other party guests. No one stirs as she leaves.

By the time she makes it to her apartment she's totally exhausted - both physically and emotionally - but she showers and collects her dress dutifully.

Her phone rings on the drive back over to the hotel where most of the wedding party will be getting ready. She waits until she's at a light to glance at it, and she has to swallow and look away when she sees Kara smiling up at her.

She doesn't need to hear _it_ again, so the call is ignored. She'll be at the hotel again soon enough anyway. There ignoring Kara will be less of an option, so she's determined to maintain some semblance of peace for as long as she can.

Peace is a relative thing back in the suite as bridesmaids scramble to get ready, but Alex applauds herself as she slips into the fray without missing a step. A makeup crisis and a broken heel later, she finally catches sight of Kara.

Across the room her foster sister is watching her, and Alex is fearful that her speeding heart has given her away. Kara looks troubled even from this distance, and Alex knows it's time for her to get things moving.

"Kara, you're not even in your slip yet," Alex says stiffly as she approaches Kara.

"Yes, _thank you_ ," Eliza cuts in but doesn't spare Alex a glance. "I've been trying to talk her into getting ready for nearly an hour. Maybe _you_ can talk some sense into her since she's not listening to me."

There's sand in Alex's mouth and throat as she tries to find the words she knows her mother is expecting. She can't say them while looking Kara in the eye, so she focuses on a spot just to the side of Kara's nose.

"Come on, Mom is right, you need to start getting ready. I think you and James have waited long enough."

Kara stares at her for a few beats before slowly moving back. Alex is glad when she finally turns away. The sand is weighing in her arms and legs now as she follows Kara. It's time for her to fulfil her duties as the Maid of Honor.

Their eyes don't meet again until Kara is standing hand in hand with James at the altar, and Alex has to force herself to look away.

The look in Kara's eyes is haunting and makes her breath catch, and for a moment Alex considers that maybe she _should_ have spoken up dramatically when the ceremonial question had come up. A quick look at her mother had grounded her and reminded her that such things were _not_ an option.

The night before had been an anomaly; Kara's best chance at a normal life is James. Alex would never try to take that away from her.

The life of a DEO agent is far from anything normal, and Alex is convinced that Kara's already too involved in the DEO as it is. Marriage to a photojournalist like James is safer by far.

Alex's mind disconnects her from her surroundings for the rest of the day. She's vaguely aware of things going on around her, and she smiles when she knows she has to, but she can only survive this day if she doesn't allow herself to really be present. For once she's grateful for this ability, and she mutters an ironic _thank you_ to her mother under her breath.

Eventually the day ends and the happy couple is gone.

The honeymoon is both the best and worst of times for Alex. It gives her time to center herself again, though she has to focus hard not to consider what the newlyweds might be doing each night. She buries herself in work, and thankfully, there's plenty of it.

By the time Kara returns from her weeklong trip, Alex is prepared. Mostly.

She curses under her breath as there's a knock on the door, grabbing a hand towel and hurriedly drying her hands as she makes it to the door. She's filled her time with work, and had only just finally gotten to the massive pile of dishes that had slowly accumulated.

"Just a sec," she says as she drops the towel and checks that her sidearm is loaded and ready should there be trouble.

She stands off to the side to partially open the door, and swallows when she sees Kara.

"Oh, hey." She moves awkwardly as she flicks the safety on her handgun and slides it into the drawer of the entryway table.

Kara smiles tentatively and walks in the moment Alex takes an uncomfortable step away from the door.

"Uh, hi," Kara says as she moves her arm to rest protectively over her stomach. She gnaws at her lower lip a moment before meeting Alex's gaze. There's sadness painted in the stormy blue of her eyes and the lines around her mouth. "You didn't pick us up from the airport."

Alex swallows. This is an important moment, and she uses her training to force equilibrium. "Yeah, sorry. Hank took one look at my apartment and said I needed to clean up. I hope you don't mind that he picked you up instead."

She's smiling sheepishly and offering Kara a comically piteous look. "Who knew he was such a neat freak?"

Kara studies her carefully, until finally she's stepping forward.

The hug is wonderful and yet it makes Alex's stomach churn.

"I missed you," Kara says softly into her ear. "I tried calling you."

Alex just inhales, allowing herself a moment to just bask in their bond and Kara's scent. "Sorry," she replies distractedly, "we had a few alien problems while you were gone."

Okay, so maybe she'd also ignored a few calls because she hadn't been _ready_ yet, but she's mostly telling the truth.

"Oh my god, why didn't you call me?" Kara sounds genuinely surprised and a little dismayed, and her frown makes Alex smile.

This is normal. This is good. This, she can handle.

She rolls her eyes with a shrug. "Oh, right. Like I'm going to call you on your _honeymoon_ to ask your help with a few alien thugs. Mom would _never_ let me hear the end of that."

Kara gives her a grudging nod, and the tension between them is manageable.

They look at each other for a moment, and Alex thinks it might be a silent acknowledgment that the _before_ doesn't have to change the _after_.

"I love you," Kara says with a serious look on her face.

The words catch in Alex's throat before she can say them, so she just offers Kara a half-smile.

"I know," she manages after a pause. The next gap of silence is longer as she considers asking questions she knows she should ask as Kara's foster sister, but ones that she can't bear to as Kara's...something else.

It's something Kara doesn't push, instead grabbing her wrist and dragging her over to the couch.

"So tell me everything that happened while I was away."

Alex's wrist is warm where Kara's still holding it. Kara doesn't let go as they sit down and Alex grows accustomed to it as she gathers her thoughts.

"Well actually, there was this pretty interesting one that I guess was some kind of organic-robotic lifeform…"

After this, life after the wedding is much as the same as it was before.

* * *

Alex sighs as the door to the apartment opens, and she rolls her eyes dramatically at the smile on James's face.

"Hey Alex," he greets cheerfully. "She's already set up in the living room."

"Did you-"

"Bottle of Johnnie Walker's already waiting for you on the coffee table." His grin widens and Alex can't prevent her own tentative smile.

"Thanks." A kernel of guilt threatens to grow in Alex, but she pushes it away.

"No problem. I've got some photo spreads to review, so I'll leave you to it." James's smile is constant, and he offers her a small wave when they part at the living room.

Alex stops watching him when she catches sight of Kara sprawled out on the couch with a large bowl of popcorn resting on her stomach. There's candy wrappers tossed haphazardly around the coffee table, and she sees a tumbler with amber liquid patiently awaiting her attention.

She makes a beeline for the couch, tugging Kara's legs off and taking a seat. When she settles back with her glass, Kara's feet swing right back to rest on her lap. She offers Kara a dead-eyed look. "Comfy?"

"Yep," Kara declares, popping the 'p' just to annoy Alex further.

Alex rolls her eyes and sips from her glass. Her head droops to rest on the back of the couch, and she's distracted from her gloomy thoughts when Kara's feet rub across her lap. Warmth sparks on her thighs, but she ignores it.

"Work sucks," she says instead.

Kara grunts out her agreement and offers her the bowl of popcorn.

Alex arches an eyebrow at Kara, her eyes traveling to the pitiful kernels left in the bowl. "You're so generous," she says flatly.

The smirk on Kara's face makes Alex rolls her eyes again, and she reaches for a few pieces of popcorn. "Did you eat all the Reese's already?" she asks while she chews.

A kernel sticks in her throat when Kara's feet brush a rather intimate spot, and she coughs a little before gulping down a drink of her whisky.

"I saved you one," Kara admits as she sits up and reaches toward the coffee table. Under a pile of wrappers a single peanut butter cup is revealed, and Alex accepts the candy gladly.

"Thanks," Alex says as she unwraps the small treat.

The room is quiet for a few moments as they settle down, and Alex is glad for the peace. They'd had a rather difficult fight with some goon from Gotham, and Alex has more than a few scrapes to show for it.

Kara is the first to break the silence. "That fight was a little weird."

"Batdude brings out the weird ones." Alex has spent a little time reviewing some of the crackpots Gotham has bred over the years, and the one they'd faced today was actually one of the tamer options. She doesn't tell Kara this.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Kara asks after a moment.

Alex nibbles at the inside of her lower lip. "Will that bother James?"

Kara shrugs and smiles. "He's working on something urgent for Miss Grant. Once he's in work mode he pretty much tunes everything out."

Alex is torn. She was hoping James would be a valid excuse not to stay. As much as she loves being around Kara, it's only been a month and a half since the wedding and…

The blue eyes patiently watching her are soft and hopeful.

"Alright," she hears herself saying.

"Yesssss!" Kara hisses out triumphantly. "I've been wanting to watch this movie."

She doesn't elaborate on what movie she means, and Alex leans over to pour more whisky into her glass as she waits. The intro to the movie is familiar, and she snickers.

" _This_? Again?"

Kara giggles and adjusts her glasses. "Come on, who doesn't love Gracie Lou Freebush? Besides, it's oddly even _more_ appropriate now since she happens to be a secret agent."

Alex purses her lips. "Oh please, she's in the FBI."

"Close enough," Kara declares as she settles on the couch cross-legged.

Alex swallows and focuses hard on the movie, trying to ignore the knee softly pressing into her outer thigh. "If you say so," she says grudgingly as the first sequence plays out.

The movie is one she's seen several times, but she enjoys it anyway. Kara still laughs out loud at the funny parts, even though she's seen the movie far more times than Alex has. Alex finds herself chuckling more at Kara's reactions than the movie, and as the movie gets to a serious part she realizes that she's actually _happy_.

Their situation hasn't changed dramatically; as long as she can have this with Kara she's content. Kara's head moves to rest on her shoulder. Her heart races a little, but she calms it and wraps an arm around the back of the couch. _This_ is enough.

The movie is nearing the end when her phone starts going off in her pocket. She frowns when she finally retrieves the device and sees the call is from Hank.

"What have we got?" she asks before he can speak.

"Looks alien, not sure what we're dealing with yet. Luckily we've contained the situation outside of the city, but we could use you here."

Alex is glad she stopped after her second glass of whisky. "Send me the coordinates."

As she ends the call, Kara is standing before her with a determined look on her face.

"I'm coming with you."

Alex is too tired to argue, so she only nods. Kara can get her there faster anyway. She's glad she's begun stashing gear at Kara's place, though she'd felt odd about it in the beginning.

"You're driving then," she says cattily.

Kara smiles and within a few minutes they're in the air. Alex has to hold her breath at the exhilaration she's only experienced a handful of times before. This time she's not sure if it's the altitude or Kara's arms that are inspiring the feeling. She decides to just enjoy the moment before reality sets in.

Hank is already relaying detailed information to her over the com, and she's frowning when they land wide of the area that's being slowly reduced to rubble.

The DEO has a perimeter set up, though Hank is frowning just as deeply as she is.

"What's it doing?" she asks as they approach.

"We're not sure," Hank admits with a small scowl. "It's just destroying rock. It doesn't make sense, but something in my gut's telling me-"

Before he can finish Kara is already flying again.

"Supergirl, no!" Hank shouts as she heads straight for the lumbering, glimmering form.

Kara impacts the large creature with both fists, and the being howls furiously at the force of the blow.

Alex rushes forward, but Hank's hand is on her shoulder. "Wait, Alex. This isn't right. I think something else is going on."

She grits her teeth as she watches Kara exchange blows with the oddly luminescent creature. She might think the alien beautiful if it weren't currently punching wildly at Kara.

Suddenly the creature laughs and the soft blue light it's been emanating turns red.

There's a sinking feeling in the pit of Alex's stomach, and she's shoved Hank's hand away before he knows what's happening.

"Supergirl!" she shrieks out as the creature swings again at the blonde head.

Kara had shrugged off the previous blows, but Alex can see that this last punch is different.

Another blow comes, and Kara dodges it clumsily. She's sluggish and dazed, and when Alex gets closer she sees blood at the corners of Kara's mouth.

The creature laughs again, and it backhands Kara so hard that she's thrown back several meters. Alex reaches Kara, and though she wants to check on her, there's still an alien to deal with.

She snarls as the creature walks toward them and pulls her weapon from its holster. "Hank!" she shouts angrily.

Her bullets don't seem to affect it at all, but its attention is thankfully pulled away when an RPG hits his shoulder. He stumbles and turns away with a comical frown, and Alex scrambles to check on Kara.

"Supergirl," she says as she ducks down to check for a pulse. She sighs in relief. It's there, and strong. "Supergirl," she repeats louder.

Kara's eyes open groggily, one pupil is dilated and the other isn't. Alex curses under her breath and begins pulling the dazed figure up. She's barely gotten Kara into a sitting position when there's a loud roar.

Alex's head jerks up and her eyes widen in horror when she sees the alien is charging right for them.

"Alex, go," Kara forces out in a slurred voice.

"Like hell," Alex says as she pulls Kara's arm over her shoulder and tries to stand.

"Alex!" Kara's voice is panicked, and her eyes are wide. She's trying to push Alex away.

Alex's only thought is that in Kara's weakened state she'll be killed. Kara struggles harder against her.

"Kara," she says softly. Kara stops moving immediately, and their eyes meet. Alex smiles when she sees the recognition there.

There's loud crashing as the alien draws closer. Alex would like to say more, but there's no time. She cups Kara's face gently and refuses to look away.

There's a flash of red light followed by intense pain, and then there's nothing.

* * *

It's cold and dark, and everything _hurts_ with a throbbing intensity. The blood pumping through her veins pulses _pain pain pain_ , but at least she's alive. Somewhere in the distance she hears crying, and her instincts scream at her to get up.

She manages to roll over onto her side, but her eyes are watering and her side is on fire. She has to grit her teeth to avoid crying out.

"Alex?" Kara's voice is rough and full of disbelief.

The sound makes Alex force her eyes open. They're in a nearly featureless rectangle room. The walls are a solid light color, though Alex isn't sure if it's pink or white. Red light filters in the room and it's just enough for her to clearly make out Kara's features.

Kara is several feet away, but she scrambles closer as Alex watches.

"Alex. Y-you're-" Kara's words are cut off by a sob. She buries her face in her hands.

Though moving is agony, Alex forces herself up. "Kara," she gasps out when a shock of pain in her leg surprises her, "what's wrong?"

Kara sobs a few more times before she can speak. "Y-you've been unconscious for a really long time. I w-was starting to think…"

Alex doesn't quite have the energy to stand, so she reaches out an arm instead.

Kara scoots in immediately and pulls her into a tight hug. It's painful, but Alex doesn't complain.

"Okay, it's okay." Her hand is combing through Kara's hair as her mind races. She has a lot of questions, but right now getting Kara calmed is her priority. "I'm okay."

Her neck is damp - from sweat or tears she's not sure - but she stays exactly the way she is for as long as Kara needs. Lips brush softly against her neck once and then Kara pulls back.

Kara's blue eyes are watery and bloodshot, and her nose is dripping. Alex has never been so happy to know they're both here and alive - wherever _here_ is.

Now that they're apart Alex finds herself looking around the room again. There's nothing distinguishable about the space whatsoever, and she's lying on a very thin cot. Kara's cape is in her lap, and she realizes that Kara must have covered her with it earlier.

"Where are we?" she finally asks.

Kara moves so they're sitting shoulder to shoulder.

"I don't know," Kara says. Her voice is unusually small, so Alex reaches out again and tangles their fingers together.

"Tell me what you remember," she coaxes softly.

"That thing - whatever it was - _hit_ us but it was weird. It wasn't solid when it happened and it hurt and I couldn't breathe and," Kara swallows. It's loud in the small room.

Alex squeezes Kara's hand carefully. Kara takes a deep breath before continuing.

"And then we were here. You wouldn't wake up. Some other beings came in, but they were different from the one we were fighting. They tried to take you away but I wouldn't let go. After a while they just left. I-I think we might be prisoners?"

Part of Alex wants to panic, but she can't afford to. "Do you have any idea how long I was out?"

Kara pulls her knees up to her chest, but she's careful to keep her hand in Alex's. She shakes her head back and forth, a strained look on her face. "Hours. Maybe ten? Maybe more. A-just a very long time. It's hard for me to tell in here."

Alex has gotten used to the odd red tinge to the light, and she reaches with her free hand to turn Kara's face toward her. "You don't look so good."

"I...don't feel good. It feels like when my powers are totally drained, only worse."

"Come on, lie down with me for a while. Hank saw what happened, I'm sure he'll find us." She's a little more relieved to know that Kara can't pick up on the minute changes to her pulse. It gives her time to calm herself before they're curled together on the thin mat.

She wraps herself carefully around Kara knowing that her foster sister needs the comfort and reassurance. "We'll be fine."

Alex isn't sure about anything, but she's glad that Kara isn't here alone. She hums softly and feels Kara start to relax in her loose embrace. It's a Kryptonian tune Kara had taught her when they were still teenagers, and it's come in handy numerous times over the years.

Soft, even breathing from Kara tells Alex that Kara's sleeping, and some of the knots in her belly loosen. She realizes that she's hungry, but ignores the feeling for now. There's no way of knowing who or what has taken them and for how long they'll be here.

They'll figure this out or J'onn will find them, she reminds herself.

She's awake for some time worrying over how she can possibly protect Kara when there's no way to know what they're facing.

Perhaps after sleep, when her mind is clearer from the pain, she'll be able to come up with something. She buries her face against the soft cascade of Kara's hair before falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last night's ep gave me lots of feels, and I was on a bit of a writing spree. Cherry assures me that 3k is far enough into the last chapter for me to feel comfortable enough to post this bit, so here you go. 
> 
> Brace yourselves.

* * *

Alex is first to wake up. Kara's body is heavy against her own, but it's warm and comfortable. Her stomach is tight with hunger and her bladder is painfully full. She tries to move carefully, but Kara still stirs as Alex slides out from under her.

"Alex?" Kara asks groggily. She brings a hand up to rub at her eyes, and Alex stops trying to get up.

"I'm here." Alex leans back in to hug Kara carefully and brush a kiss on her cheek. "I'm just going to try and figure out if there's a toilet here."

Kara nods sleepily, and Alex smiles even though there's worry churning in her gut. She stands and begins looking around their cell, eyes scrutinizing the smooth surface in an effort to find any irregularities.

She spots a small crack off in one corner, and she rushes to it and begins feeling around. The crack is a faint rectangular outline, and she pushes lightly against it. There's a nearly inaudible beep and a panel she hadn't seen is suddenly opened and revealing a tiny sink.

Her mouth is incredibly dry, but she doesn't drink. She's hopeful that further examination will reveal that which she truly needs. Her search is rewarded a few minutes later when she finds another panel in the opposite corner.

Pressing it reveals a large darkly colored object that loosely resembles a toilet - Alex is so relieved that she doesn't care that Kara is still in the room. Thankfully Kara doesn't seem to stir, and Alex hurries to finish before she wakes again.

One immediate need tended to, she examines their cell further in hopes of finding additional panels, but there are none that she can see. She finds her way back to the small faucet.

She doesn't see any handles, so she waves a hand near a blinking light just to its left. Clear liquid comes out in a steady stream and she leans forward to sniff at it carefully. It seems like it's water, but she's hesitant to try it. She dips her hands in and scrubs as she considers her options.

Kara will need water too, and if something's wrong with the water Alex would rather be the one to find out. She leans over to let a small amount of the liquid trickle between her lips.

It's cool and definitely water, though there's a heavy chlorine aftertaste that Alex isn't fond of. She drinks a little more before turning the water off. Kara seems to still be sleeping, so Alex begins checking her numerous pockets to see if she still has any of her gear.

They're empty, and she sighs to herself. Her holster is gone, but she'd hoped their captors had missed something. She walks over to a wall and knocks her knuckles against it a few times. It's hard, but it's an alloy she's not familiar with - at least she thinks it's a type of metal, but there's no way to be certain.

Her focus turns to the ceiling, which is further up than she'd originally realized. Six oblong lights shine steadily, their soft reddish glow somehow menacing. Given what Kara has said before, Alex thinks they're simulating the effect of a red sun. Kara would no doubt feel a little off after living under a yellow sun for so long.

There's rustling behind her, and she pushes aside any thoughts other than Kara. Escape doesn't seem an option as of yet, but she'll keep her eyes and ears open.

"Hey," she greets Kara gently as she sits on the edge of the small pallet. She reaches out to comb at the long blonde hair which has fallen to cover half of Kara's face.

Kara is looking up at her but doesn't speak. Her brows are furrowed in concern and her eyes are watery. "Hey."

Something warm kindles in Alex's chest at the look, and the hand she'd been about to pull away moves to cup Kara's cheek instead. "How are you feeling?"

"I should be asking you that," Kara counters, and her hand moves up to hold Alex's against her face. "You really scared me earlier."

Alex swallows and she looks away for a moment. "Well, that makes two of us. That alien did a number on you."

Kara shrugs and there's a half smile on her face. "We're both here." She pauses and sits up, though she keeps a hold on Alex's hand. "Where is here?"

"I don't know." Alex's head is shaking as she looks around the cell she's already inspected several times. "It's hard to tell anything, but," she stops speaking and debates on whether it's wise to voice her thoughts.

The feel of Kara's hand squeezing hers makes her look back at her foster sister, and she knows she needs to be honest. "This place is definitely alien."

The words hang in the air, and the fear that's been hanging in the back of her mind pushes forward.

Kara's jaw firms, and the fear dissipates as quickly as it's appeared. "We'll get through this."

_Together_ , is the unspoken word, but Alex still feels it. She's trained for situations like this, but the added comfort of Kara is something else - if she hadn't jumped into the fight when she had, Kara might be here alone. That would be unacceptable.

She'd rather be lost together with Kara than alone and frantic in trying to find her. She spares a mournful thought for J'onn and what he must be feeling, but only for a moment. This is her reality for now, and she's got to focus.

Kara's face flushes suddenly, and she begins to look around the room.

"Toilet's over there," Alex points to the object in question. She hadn't bothered hiding it again in order to keep herself oriented in the room.

She turns away when Kara gets up to use the toilet, and hums to herself to ignore the sounds of Kara peeing. It's not that she minds, but she knows that Kara is easily embarrassed.

She waits a few extra beats before turning around, and finds Kara washing her hands at the sink.

"Is this…?" Kara turns to her expectantly, hopefully.

Alex nods and chuckles to herself when Kara first carefully, then greedily, drinks from the faucet.

Though she's amused by Kara's enthusiasm, a headache is starting. She's gone too long without eating. Kara must be ravenous; on Earth it seems her foster sister is almost always interested in finding something to eat.

There's a faint whooshing sound and Alex frowns as she tries to figure out where it came from. Her eyebrows arch in surprise when she sees two metallic trays have appeared on the floor off to one side of the room.

She frowns as she approaches the new arrivals, squinting at the wall and the floor but not seeing anything that would indicate where the trays have appeared from.

Alex kneels and begins feeling around, but there are no cracks or seams or any other indications of hidden openings. She scowls down at the trays as she examines the contents.

Each tray contains a simple white block of some unknown substance roughly seven inches long and an inch and a half thick. She hesitantly picks one up and discovers they're surprisingly dense. Her thumb brushes across the top, and the texture makes her think of some freeze dried food she's had before while out on a mission.

She sniffs the block hesitantly and it almost smells a little like bread. Kara comes to stand next to her.

"What is it?" Kara asks.

"I think it might be food, but I can't be sure if it's safe or not." Her stomach is hurting, and she knows Kara's must be too. She takes a bite before she can overthink it.

It's crunchy and bland, but it almost tastes like a cracker. She chews and swallows and waits. Nothing seems to happen. She turns to Kara, but her foster sister has already retrieved the second block and bitten into it.

Alex almost feels like scolding her, but perhaps the food is perfectly safe. Either way, they can't afford to starve. It's a risk, but their options are limited. They eat quickly and then take turns drinking water.

Though the blocks are hardly tasty, Alex's stomach is full. She takes a seat on their pallet and looks around with a sigh. Their captors haven't made contact yet, but it's clear that she and Kara will be here for a while.

Kara's boots thud softly against the floor as she circles the room. Alex lets her do her own inspection. She doesn't think she's missed anything, but her skin itches at the thought of remaining prisoner here for long.

After a while of silent brooding Kara joins her on their pallet.

"There's nothing I can see. My powers haven't come back and I still feel weak."

Alex leans over and bumps their shoulders together. When Kara turns to her she looks upward pointedly. "I'm pretty sure they're using red sun lights to keep you powerless."

Kara sighs and flops backward so she's staring at the ceiling. "Well, that makes a lot of sense."

Alex nods, though she's secretly worried about how much their captors seem to know about Kryptonians.

"Wanna play a game?" Kara asks.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, maybe some of the stuff we tried in the car when Eliza took us on those long road trips?" Kara is hopeful, though Alex can't suppress a groan.

"Those games sucked," she deadpans.

"Please? I'm going to go crazy doing nothing in here." Kara is sitting up now and she's giving Alex the big puppy-eyed look that usually works.

Alex scowls. Of course Kara would play dirty. "Fine."

Kara brightens and Alex almost smiles. She suppresses the urge.

"I'm thinking of an animal," Kara begins.

* * *

Time is a treacherous thing with no discernible way to keep it, so they start gauging days based on when they're fed. The blocks appear what feels like twice a day, and they receive them five more times before anything changes.

They're sleeping curled together with Kara's cape draped over them like a blanket one moment, and the next there's loud screeching noises and a harsh bright crimson light. Alex jerks awake, and it takes all of her willpower not to shout in surprise.

Above them are two creatures vaguely similar to the one they'd faced before coming here; only where that alien was large and brutish, these are more humanoid. Their skin shimmers much the same as the other.

She keeps ahold of Kara's arm as they're forced to sit up. The screeching continues, and Alex believes the creatures, whatever they are, are trying to communicate.

Kara looks as baffled as she is, and she understands that these are beings that Kara hadn't encountered on Krypton.

The creatures are done being ignored, and Alex barely has a moment to react when they make a move to pull her and Kara apart.

"No!" Kara cries out desperately as their hands, sweaty from their tight grip, begin to slip apart.

There's a sound unlike anything Alex has ever heard before, and the sharp sound sends agony ripping through her head. She tries to hold on, but then Kara is gone and so are the creatures.

She's alone.

Her hands rise to rub at her face. It's damp with perspiration. She pulls her hands away, only to see blood. She rubs at her upper lip, noting detachedly that her nose is bleeding.

Kara is gone. That's all that matters.

She shouts into the emptiness of the cell, picking up a boot she'd taken off and hurling it at the wall. The impact barely makes a sound, and Alex's shoulders slump when she realizes the cell is probably soundproofed.

Despair threatens to seep in, so she stands and begins pacing. She needs to find a way out - a way to Kara. She begins another inspection of the cell's walls, slow and thorough as she uses touch and sight. Two walls are checked over before frustration wins, and her hands begin pounding furiously against the wall.

Her hands are tingling with the force, and as they impact for the nth time, the wall glows. She doesn't have time to stop her next swing before it hits, and her body is forcefully thrown backwards on contact.

Alex's mouth is open but no sound comes out, and her body spasms a few times before she can move. She turns onto her side painfully, and that's when she sees that Kara's back.

Kara is facing away and curled up into a tight ball, half on the pallet and not moving. Her Supergirl costume has been replaced with a drab grey uniform, and her feet are still bare.

Adrenaline gives Alex the energy she needs to move, though she's unsteady as she crawls over to her foster sister. "Kara?"

Alex feels that her heart might pound out of her chest as she reaches Kara, and her hand trembles as she stretches her arm out.

Kara is soft and warm, and Alex scrambles around to see her face. Kara's eyes are open and staring somewhere far off. It takes her a moment to recognize Alex.

Her face remains stiff, but after a few seconds of looking at Alex, her face crumples and the tears begin.

It only takes a few heartbeats for Alex to pull her onto the pallet and carefully into a snug embrace.

"Shh, I've got you," she whispers. She's furious and shattered all at once, but she keeps her arm tight around Kara.

After a while the tears stop. Kara is latched onto her and she's brushing a hand tenderly through the long blonde tresses. She wants to know everything that's happened, but she's not sure if that's a good idea for either of them.

She swallows and kisses Kara's forehead. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Kara croaks out.

Alex nods and kisses her forehead again. "Okay. If you change your mind, I'm here."

Kara doesn't speak for a while after that, though she continues to cling to Alex. There's acid roiling violently in Alex's stomach as she holds Kara, and though she doesn't know what their captors have done, she wants to kill them all.

She begins to speak lowly, relaying random stories from her childhood that come to mind. Kara begins to relax.

"-nd so every time that song comes on, I think of them just dancing in the kitchen and looking at each other as if nothing else in the world existed but them."

Her chest aches with the memory of her parents before everything changed, but she doesn't mourn. She misses her dad, but she would never change meeting Kara.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to know him better," Kara says. Her voice is rough and barely above a whisper, but she's looking at Alex and finally seems to be calming down.

"Me too." She and Kara just look at each other for a few beats, and the hint of a smile appears at the corners of Kara's lips. Something eases in Alex's chest.

* * *

It's after the next meal time that Alex gets to discover what Kara might have gone through. This time they're awake when their guards come in.

There's pain and Kara's scared face, and then Alex is strapped to something while standing up. She squirms and fights, but there's little she can do as hard rounded objects are placed around her head and neck.

There's a sharp pain at the base of her skull, and then her mouth is open and she's screaming because it feels like her skin is being peeled away from her body.

She looks down and she's _whole_ and it doesn't make sense, and then the sensation changes and becomes something else. Now she's warm and at least it's not that _pain_ , but then the warmth becomes stronger and stronger and _god she's burning alive_ \- except she's not.

Alex can still see her body, now in a drab grey uniform that matches Kara's, restrained to an upright table. She tries to focus on her surroundings, but there's light beaming directly over her creating a ball of brightness and just beyond that there's only darkness. A fresh sensation of searing flame along her flesh leaves her unable to think.

The sensations continue and change, and Alex thinks she passes out a few times but she can't be sure. The worst part is at the end, when her mind is full of images flashing and repeating and showing her that everyone she's ever cared about is dead. Their disfigured faces linger in her mind long after she's no longer in the ball of light.

"Alex."

The word is distant, but familiar.

"Alex."

Something soft tickles against her face.

"It's not real."

She focuses hard on the voice - but isn't Kara dead? They're all dead because Alex couldn't protect them.

But no, because the hair brushing against her face is a familiar blonde. She reaches up to tug lightly on it. It's silky soft between her fingertips, and then she's looking up into Kara's tear-streaked face.

"Hey," she rasps out, "it's okay."

Kara begins crying again, and then tender kisses are being pressed repeatedly to her face. Alex reaches up to caress a moist cheek, wanting to soothe Kara's pain.

"It's okay," she repeats. Though her body is wracked with memories of agony that couldn't have really existed, she's happy because Kara's _alive_ and _here_.

She sighs when Kara presses their foreheads together, and her hands reach out to push Kara's hair up and away. Tears drip down onto her own face and she wishes there was more she could do.

"Alex," Kara whispers brokenly, and then their lips are pressed together.

Alex sighs into the chaste kiss. It's comfortable and reassuring, and with Kara's breath moving against her skin in a shaky pattern, further proof that whatever happened in the room - the room that burned and ripped and threatened to tear her essence from her being - was a lie.

"I love you," she says when the kiss ends. She regrets ever not saying those words, because not saying them has never changed the truth.

"I love you too." Kara still sounds emotional, but Alex lets the words seep in past the ugliness of the time before she was returned to their cell.

Kara lies down next to her, and all she can do is stare. That long eternity in the nightmare world had seemed so real - tailored to her own personal fears, in fact. She thinks that their captors must surely be able to see into her mind.

Part of her worries that they're watching her and Kara even now, but if what she believes is true about her recent horrifying experience, that doesn't matter. If they can see into her mind there's no use denying Kara, and herself, this comfort.

They're close enough that she can still feel the gentle push of Kara's breath against her face, and her eyelids get heavy.

They fall asleep facing each other, their fingers interlaced.

* * *

More days pass, and they're no longer surprised when someone comes to take one of them away. They don't stop fighting, even though they know the parting is inevitable.

It's after the fourth or so time that they're separated that things change. Tender kisses and soft words have become their way to recover after time in what they've come to refer to as 'The Hell Room', but this time when Alex comes out of the alternate world their captors have constructed, the kisses don't stop.

"Kara," Alex warns as Kara continues to kiss along her jaw and neck. She doesn't know if they should continue; even though their lives before captivity seem so far away in what has probably only been a couple of weeks, Alex hasn't forgotten everything about them yet.

"Please." Kara stops and is looking at her, and it's the night before Kara's wedding all over again.

Alex sighs. She's as weak as she's ever been when it comes to Kara, so she leans up and pulls Kara into another kiss.

She's worried that this will destroy them, but as Kara's hands carefully unbutton her drab grey uniform, the opposite feels true.

Everywhere Kara touches is awash in sparks of pleasure that not only attest to the fact that they're alive, but that their bond is the strongest it's ever been.

Her hips buck and she's aware that there's too much separating them, and she tugs away Kara's own uniform.

They're bare and writhing together, and breathing is difficult as they try to touch and feel and experience the whole of each other.

The first moment she's inside Kara leaves her breathless, and she's unable to look away from Kara's face. She's moving automatically, wanting so much to bring Kara pleasure. She's aching to be closer, but their bodies are pressed flush together and sweaty, and there _is_ no closer.

She feels satiny muscles clench around her fingers, and she's lost in her own oblivion of Kara.

Alex is panting, but she can't stop kissing every patch of Kara's addictive skin that she can reach. Kara's eyes open drowsily, and there's a crooked smile on her face.

It's a moment Alex has wished for before, and her face turns into the palm that's cradling her cheek.

She sighs and accepts a reverent kiss, gently removing her hand from Kara and wrapping both arms securely around the now lightly dozing woman.

This is the most peaceful she's felt since their capture, and she revels in it. There's an almost dreamlike quality to the feeling, and that's what makes her body stiffen and her eyes widen.

_This isn't real_ , comes the sudden thought.

Her heart is pounding and she looks around for anything that would give this moment away for what she knows it to be - fake; a contrived experience that her captors have created for some yet unknown reason.

Nothing seems out of place, but she _knows_ this can't be real. Kara's choice was always James, and this doesn't make sense.

At any moment something terrible will happen and she needs to be on guard. She tries to look down to see her body, surely still strapped down in The Hell Room, but all she sees is Kara draped haphazardly over her torso.

She lifts her head to test her theory, and finds that she can move freely. Her mouth opens as she sucks in a greedy breath and her body begins to calm.

This _is_ real. Kara is real. What they just did is real.

Alex pulls Kara tighter and nuzzles her face as close to Kara's as she can get.

This, too, becomes part of their ritual to make it through their days.

* * *

A time comes when they stop trying to pay attention to how many days it's been and how many more it will be, and they struggle to keep each other both occupied and sane.

"I think the worst part for me is that it's not all fake," Kara says one day as she's cleaning up the best she can with their tiny faucet and the rags they've made of their uniform sleeves.

Alex stops doing sit ups and turns to focus on Kara.

The last thing they'd been talking about was the summer they'd tried to talk Eliza into getting a dog, but it doesn't take Alex long to realize what Kara means.

They've discussed the worst part of the torture - the living nightmares - in broken whispers many times when the lights in their cell are dimmed. It hadn't taken long for them to realize they were receiving much of the same treatment.

Alex knows exactly what Kara means, but she doesn't know what to say. She isn't sure if there's comfort in using the knowledge of your loved ones' real deaths to ground you from the fake ones, but she knows it is a tactic Kara uses.

So she remains silent, though she does stand and move to lightly press a hand into the bare skin of Kara's lower back.

Kara shudders at the touch and Alex is afraid she'll pull away. She doesn't, instead turning and pulling Alex into a hug.

"Is it horrible that I'm glad that you're here?" she asks into the fabric covering Alex's shoulder.

Alex presses a kiss to Kara's temple and when she speaks, her voice is rough. "No." She breathes in and out a few times before admitting her own truth. "I'm glad I can be here with you. I don't want to imagine you going through this alone."

Kara's hands tighten on her back and shoulder. If Kara was at full strength, something might have broken with these words - maybe something already has.

They come together fiercely then, teeth nipping as Kara hurriedly tugs away the fabric covering Alex and the little covering her own body.

Something tears, but Alex doesn't care. Kara is pushing her back, back until she hits the wall with more force than she's expecting. Her breath catches at the fierce, hungry look on Kara's face and then Kara's mouth is _everywhere_.

Her nails dig into the soft flesh of Kara's back as teeth scrape across her neck and down to her clavicle. She sucks in a surprised breath when Kara's hand glides through her slick vulva once and then - _oh_.

She's holding on to Kara for life because her knees are wobbly - and if she wasn't pressed back into the wall she'd already be on the ground. Kara's free hand moves from her lower back up to her hair, and her head is being tugged back so that Kara can kiss her again.

Her eyes are closed as she tries to absorb all the sensations at once; the cool metal at her back slowly warming, the vibrant heat of Kara in front of her, the way her hips arch to meet each of Kara's thrusts, the gentle way Kara cups the back of her head as Kara mumbles something over and over again between sporadic kisses.

It isn't until after she's lost in the oblivion of orgasm that Kara's words finally penetrate the haze of their mutual need.

"I love you," Kara pants a few times, "I need you."

They're repeated again and again, and Alex pulls her close and just holds her until she calms down. They're both sweaty, but she's sure that there's more than sweat dampening Kara's face.

She doesn't know what to say, so she brings up a hand to brush away the moisture lingering on Kara's cheeks.

Kara's blue eyes soften, and though Alex hasn't said a word her message has been received.

Something swells in her chest and she leans up to plant a single chaste kiss to the small furrow that remains between Kara's eyebrows.

"Come on, let's clean up," Alex says softly after another lingering silence.

Kara nods, and Alex leads her back over to the sink.

Alex rinses out one of the rags and begins brushing it carefully over Kara's body. She says nothing when Kara's head suddenly slumps onto her shoulder, only continues to carefully tend to Kara.

They remain this way until Alex has cleaned everything in reach, but Kara smiles and takes the cloth. It's rinsed and then she's returning the favor for Alex, gently wiping over the raw skin where her teeth have scraped and the crescent marks left by her nails.

She brushes apologetic kisses over the splotches of skin that are in the beginning stages of bruising, but Alex doesn't even remember when they happened. There is no pain or discomfort, only a serenity that's rare here in this cell.

The serenity only lasts for a short time after they're dressed - because then their captors come, and something new begins.

Alex pants wildly as she's secured and the unknown apparatus is again fastened around her neck and head, but as she stares out wide-eyed and terrified she notices a second bubble of light across the room.

Her gaze meets Kara's panicked own right before the first wave of pain begins.

She hisses out, not because it hurts, but because she can see Kara hurting. Her hands are braced tightly against the padded metal of her temporary prison and she wants to scream.

By the time the second phase starts, she has no control over herself any more. Her throat is sore from the screams of Kara's name she's tried to suppress, and only half succeeded with.

Seeing Kara like this is incomparable, but as horrible as it is, she's dreading the last part most. It starts without her recognizing it - Kara is shaking and blood trickles down her face as she jerks against her restraints. She stops moving, and Alex knows she's dead.

Her vision splits and she sees that no, Kara is writhing and crying and still alive, but the double vision of her living nightmare over reality still leaves her sobbing and wishing that the agony would end.

Eventually, it does, though she doesn't realize it at first.

It's Kara who's strong enough to move and come closer; it's Kara's hand that brushes against hers. She can focus again, and now she sees Kara is here just opposite her on the floor. She wants to move, but her body won't obey her.

She can still see the terrible images of the day, but Kara is slowly moving closer. Their hands are clasped and Alex is sobbing again. Today is something she never wants to repeat, but she's terrified to know there's nothing she can do to stop it from happening again.

Their kisses are full of the mournful taste of their tears, but their reprieve is short.

They're not alone, and when Alex looks up she sees the red and she screams.

"No!"

_No!_ _It's too soon, they haven't had time. They need time!_

If they're forced back into the Hell Room, Alex knows she'll break and be lost forever. She can't.

Panic makes adrenaline course through her and she manages to rise up onto an elbow clumsily as she stares up at the red of their captors.

The image distorts, and then…

"J'onn?" She whispers, and she's quivering with a fearful disbelief.

_Is this real? This can't be real!_

Kara's hand has a painful grip on her own.

J'onn distorts again before them, and she knows this is it. He wasn't real.

Kara's face is buried against her chest, but J'onn's form has only rippled and grown bigger.

They're lifted carefully and cradled in each of his arms. Kara keeps a fierce grip on her hand, but Alex can only stare up at the towering figure she's only seen a handful of times.

Her mind is spinning and flashing over their recent experiences, and all of a sudden she's awash in sorrow.

" _I am real,_ " she hears, but it's not an audible sound. She swallows and tries to meets J'onn eyes, but they're glowing _red_ and she finds she can only stare at the deep green of his skin.

" _It's okay, Alex_." The sorrow is magnified, and Alex sees a flash of a trio of scared green faces not too dissimilar from J'onn's. There are bright lights, and then the faces are still in death.

Alex is crying but she's not sure why. She doesn't know these faces, but she feels like she does.

The sorrow eases, and there's calm in her mind. She knows this calm is not her own, but it's warm and grateful - grateful that she and Kara are alive.

She squeezes her eyes shut and turns her face into J'onn's chest. If she's catching these glimpses into his mind, he can surely see into hers. It's a feeling she's grown used to - and yet knowing that it's _him_ makes her ashamed for all the times she's been broken and only been put back together with Kara's sad eyes and desperate kisses.

" _Rest_ ," J'onn says, and the calm has become more pronounced. She slips into a light doze, but she doesn't let go of Kara's hand.

* * *

Her doze is broken sometime later by Kara's screams.

Alex jerks up, and her hand is grasping for another that isn't there. They're back in the cell is all she can think, and panic has set in before she can remember the events leading up to this point.

A solid hand lands on her shoulder, and she's looking into the concerned face of Hank. He's saying something, but she doesn't understand it at first.

"Alex, you've got to help her. I can't reach her."

He stares at her, and then she hears an added " _I can't help Kryptonians in the same way I helped you_."

She swallows and nods, and the curtain she hasn't noticed is pulled away from around her bed. Across from her Kara is crying and jerking against restraints, and Alex is _furious_.

"I'm sorry, but she was hurting herself." Hank sounds genuinely distraught. Her fury ebbs.

He helps ease Alex to her feet, and as they get closer Alex can see he's right. There's angry lines of crimson up and down Kara's arms, and Alex tries to speed up.

Hank's pace remains the same as he pulls along an IV bag of fluid Alex realizes is connected to her arm. She pushes the thought away as she reaches Kara's bed.

"Kara." She projects her voice but keeps it soft. Kara is lost in whatever trap her mind has constructed and doesn't seem to notice her.

Alex leans over the bed carefully and cups at Kara's face. It's warm, and Alex looks up and recognizes the sun lamps they had back at the DEO that help Kara recharge. They'll help restore Kara physically. She has to help with the rest.

Alex has to repeat herself several times before Kara opens her eyes, and she can see the doubt in them.

"I'm here," she says. "Hank found us."

Kara's eyes water, and Alex climbs up the bed to rest alongside her carefully.

"This is real?" Kara's rough voice quivers, but there's the smallest tinge of hope.

"Yes."

Alex is vaguely aware of the curtain being closed around them, but she's too wrapped up in the joyful kisses being pressed to her face and lips to care.

They're free. Maybe eventually they'll even begin to feel that way. Alex isn't sure. All she knows that Kara is with her, and that's all that matters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the first 4k or so done for a while, but writing the last part was emotionally difficult so I kept putting it off. I finished this last night, so here you are.

* * *

Kara is staring up at the gloomy anthracite walls of the infirmary when Alex walks in.

The dark walls of the DEO are a comfort; they're nothing like the ones where she and Alex were being imprisoned.

Alex is adjusting better than she is, she knows. Sometimes Kara worries that she's become a burden to her foster sister - if she hasn't always been a burden.

Since her powers have returned she's been hyper aware of Alex's presence. When Alex is away for more than a few moments, Kara finds herself using her alien hearing and sight to constantly check on her.

Alex's return is no surprise since she's kept a casual watch for most of her trip to consult with Hank. Kara had given them the courtesy of not listening in on the conversation. Just _seeing_ Alex had kept that panicked feeling in her chest from spreading.

"Hey," Alex says softly from behind her. She continues staring upward.

"Hey."

Alex has assured her many times that she's not a burden, that J'onn had done something to Alex's head when they'd first been rescued. The memories and pain are still there, but there's a filter of his lingering calm that keeps the nightmares mostly at bay.

Kara is almost sad that J'onn can't do the same for her. Then again, she'd rather not have him in her head. She's tired of having the landscape of her mind violated by strangers.

"James is going to be here soon. Are you ready?"

 _No_ , she wants to say. She's not ready. Two weeks isn't long enough to begin to feel normal after nearly a month in hell. Two weeks isn't long enough for her to feel okay with being separated from Alex. Her palms are sweaty thinking about it. She can only get through the nights with Alex next to her.

"I think so," she says. She has to swallow to try and get the discomfort of the lie out of her throat.

Alex steps closer and rests a hand on her arm. Kara inhales a sharp breath and turns her head to face her. She wants to pull Alex closer, to bury her face against the warm security of that space between her neck and shoulder.

She knows she's not supposed to, not here back on Earth. Alex has been giving her everything she's asked and more, but Kara can hear the whispers between the doctors even on the other side of the building. They're concerned with how she clings to Alex.

They're the ones that recommended she try to return to her _normal_ life. She doesn't want to leave. Leaving means Alex returns to her own apartment and Kara must go back to live with James.

There's a tightness in her chest when she thinks of him. She loves him, she really does. She's just always loved Alex more, and life doesn't seem _normal_ with him beside her each night instead of Alex.

She hasn't told Alex this. It's too much right now.

Despite her attempts to seem okay, Alex knows her.

It takes everything in Kara not to sob when Alex pulls her into a tight hug. Kara's return squeeze is more careful; she can still remember the bruises she'd given Alex accidentally last week when her powers had suddenly returned.

Alex's hands are tracing a soothing pattern against her lower back, and Kara just soaks up as much of this feeling as she can. She needs to at least try a return to what everyone insists is "normal". That's what everyone keeps telling her.

"You can call me any time, you know that right?"

Kara nods rather than speaks. The concern in Alex's voice makes speaking difficult. This is already hard enough, doesn't Alex know that?

She pulls back and looks into the soft hazel and she recognizes that yes, Alex does know.

Alex looks like she wants to say something else, but she remains quiet. Far off Kara can hear James' voice, and the panic is rising up her esophagus.

"I'm telling Hank that this isn't happening," Alex's fiercely protective voice asserts. It's enough to let Kara take a breath as she meets Alex's steady gaze.

"No," Kara starts. She licks at her dry lips and breathes deeply. "I need to try doing this. I know I can't make you stay here forever."

Her smile is sad, and the furrow in Alex's brow becomes more pronounced.

She wants to ask Alex if she'll consider staying with her for a while, but she chickens out at the last moment. James is almost here. Kara needs to be strong.

"If you need me…" Alex's words trail off, but she doesn't need to continue.

Kara nods her acceptance and Alex steps back just as James walks in with a cautious smile on his face. He looks uncomfortable, but that could be due to the fact that Hank insists he's only allowed here if he agrees to wear a black hood over his head everywhere except for this one room.

"Kara." The word is released in conjunction with a relieved breath, and Kara can see the tense set of his body ease. He steps forward cautiously, hands twitching. He wants to give her a hug, she can tell.

Kara inhales shakily and steps forward with a tremulous smile, allowing him to hug her. There's a comfort to it that she hasn't expected, and she closes her eyes. His scent is familiar, as is the embrace. It's almost enough to put her at ease.

Her eyes open in time to see the conflicted look pass over Alex's face. Kara steps back guiltily. She wants to say something to Alex, but she can't. If anything, she should feel guilty on behalf of James. She doesn't.

Alex walks out of the room and Kara looks back up at James. His eyes are kind, and then she _does_ feel guilty. She loves him, but she shouldn't have married him. Her taste of an intimate life with Alex, as extreme as the circumstances were, have made her unable to settle for loving James - she's never been _in love_ with him the same way.

"You ready to go?" he asks hopefully.

Kara nods, because even the lie of a spoken 'no' is too difficult. James smiles at her and turns and tugs the black hood back over his face. He takes Kara's hand.

His grip is alien and sweaty. His hand is too large and too rough, but Kara accepts it anyway. She knows Alex wants her to try adjusting back to the life she had before, even if Alex herself is conflicted about it.

She's aware of Alex watching them as they make their way out of the building, and she can't resist one last look.

Alex looks determined, and she gives Kara a nod. Kara's free arm moves protectively over her stomach as she nods back.

She can do this.

* * *

Things go better than she thinks they will. She and James had been living together before they got married, and the apartment feels enough like home that she doesn't struggle with the need to keep her back to a wall the entire time.

Intellectually she knows that the creatures that took her and Alex are gone; she'd witnessed the damage left by an enraged J'onn in glimpses as he'd carried her and Alex carefully from the spacecraft they'd been captive on.

Still, she can't change the way she's conditioned now to expect the worst when Alex isn't with her - and Alex isn't with her. She pushes away the gnawing anxiety in her stomach until it's bed time and James is waiting to see what she'll do.

His attention is too much, because she's not sure how much longer she can hold the fragments of herself together. She pretends like nothing is wrong and slips into her favorite flannel pajamas.

James looks relieved and goes about his routine. Kara is already under the covers when he comes back. He moves around the room quietly, and then the lights are turned off.

She can feel his side of the bed dip and hear the covers rustle as he settles in.

"Kara?" he asks after a moment. "Can I just hold you?"

His voice quivers and she thinks of how he must have felt over the last month and a half, at first not knowing where she was and if she were alive. Then later knowing that she was alive, but she'd been through so much that she couldn't just go back to her life with him from before.

"Okay," she says as she shifts to the middle of the bed. His body doesn't fit right behind her, and as his strong arm settles across her midriff she's not sure if the comfort outweighs the feeling of being trapped. She closes her eyes and tries to relax.

After a while James's breath evens out in sleep. Kara tries to pretend that his light snores belong to Alex. In time she too drifts into an uneasy sleep.

She wakes with a scream scarcely half an hour later. She's damp with sweat and her hands are gripping at the bed dangerously tight. She can't breathe and the unfamiliar bulk of James at her back is too much.

"Kara!" James is wide awake and flicking the lamp on. He's surprised to find her floating up near the ceiling, her back pressed up to it and her eyes wide.

He's lucky she'd managed to keep herself from crashing through it, though he doesn't know it. He tries talking to her, but her eyes are still wild and her chest is still moving rapidly with her erratic breathing.

"I'm calling Alex," he says after a few beats. The name gets her attention, and she can see a wry twist to his lips as he grabs his cellphone.

Alex is there within ten minutes.

She's disheveled, but she doesn't look like she was sleeping. Kara is in her arms the moment she crosses the threshold.

The fear Kara has been holding onto evaporates with her arms around Alex and her face pressed against that space that she's come to think of hers on one side of Alex's neck. She greedily inhales Alex's scent, and at last Kara can relax.

"I fixed up the guest room," James says gently. His eyes are a little sad, but he smiles and opens the door to the room in question.

The guilt is back, but it's not enough to keep Kara from tangling her hand with Alex's and leading the way into the room.

Alex hesitates at the door as she looks at James as if to ask ' _are you sure_ '? James's head angles down minutely and he shuts the door behind them.

Kara is first in bed, and her world tilts back into place when Alex's head settles against her shoulder.

"Thank you," she says once Alex has stopped moving.

It's quiet, and just when she thinks Alex has drifted off to sleep, Alex speaks.

"I couldn't sleep either," she admits.

Kara presses her eyes closed, because it's something that Alex would have never admitted if Kara hadn't given in to needing this first. That Alex has said it at all is probably more to provide her comfort more than anything else.

It's another way of Alex telling her that it's okay that she's _not okay_. Kara's eyes sting and she leans toward Alex to press a grateful kiss to the soft lips she knows well.

Their faces remain together for a short while, but then Kara is drowsy. She's asleep scarce minutes later.

* * *

The morning after is a little awkward even though it's not the first time Alex has slept over. James seems out of sorts, and Kara knows he's probably wondering what he did wrong to make everything worse for her.

She tries to reassure him in her own way with a few soft touches, but there's little she can do when her body still unconsciously pulls to Alex's and her eyes seek out hazel rather than brown.

Alex's smile is stiff when she finishes her coffee. "I should go so you can get ready for work."

Kara wants to tell her, no, that won't be necessary, but she knows that's not what she's _supposed_ to say. She's not trying hard enough to be her old self.

"Okay," she says. James looks surprised and worried.

Alex had looked equally surprised this morning when Kara had told her she still wanted to try going to work today. Even Alex hadn't been able to convince her to wait. Kara is still upset that she hadn't been able to make it _one night_ without falling apart despite Alex's assurances that it's only natural after everything they've been through

"Let me walk you out," James says as he shares a look with Alex.

Kara is tempted to listen in on the conversation they're undoubtedly having, but she can already guess what they're saying. They don't think she can do it.

She can. She's _Supergirl_ for crying out loud!

She's faced much worse than Cat Grant and print deadlines.

James is back only a few minutes later, and she can tell by his smile that he's not happy with whatever Alex has said. He doesn't push Kara, all too aware how stubborn she can be when she sets her mind on something.

"I'll clean up here so you can get ready." He presses a quick kiss to her cheek as she stands, and she can tell it was something he did automatically in the way he freezes as he pulls back.

Kara squeezes his shoulder gently. She should say something, but she doesn't know what that could be. She smiles and retreats from the room.

She _does_ need to get ready for work.

Winn is all relieved smiles and nervous rambling at work, and she actually laughs when he pulls her into an awkward hug. He's trying so hard and it's cute because it's so _him_.

He hasn't changed since she's been away, and it helps because James still doesn't know how to act around her and she needs to pretend that nothing has changed at CatCo.

"Kiera," she hears only a moment after Winn has blushed his way through almost sticking his foot in his mouth. "So glad you could return to us after your extended leave away."

Kara is surprised because Miss Grant almost seems _nice_.

"Though I'm not surprised that your sister got you lost in the wilderness - she _does_ work for the government, doesn't she?"

Kara's lips twitch with the effort it takes not to snap at her boss. Their cover story is flimsy, but it's better than saying she and Alex had been abducted by aliens and experimented on for unknown reasons. She doesn't want anyone to know about the torture they'd endured, and far too many people are already aware of it. Cat is certainly not someone she trusts with the information; she's still too raw from her ordeal, and she doesn't want her experience trivialized in the form of a one-liner.

"It's not like she could help the storm - or the concussion she got trying to protect me from certain death." Her smile is brittle and she has to force herself to ease her grip on her tablet. The last thing she needs is for Cat to sneer at her about having to replace the device.

Cat waves a hand airily and rolls her eyes. "Anyway, where's my coffee?"

Kara is quick to offer her the cardboard cup, not caring that she hasn't reheated the beverage. She has to suppress a smile when Miss Grant winces at the lukewarm temperature.

"Well, _that_ much hasn't changed," Cat says as she walks to her office and drops the cup into the trash bin. "Now, I know you've been healing up from your stint in the wild, but _do_ try to keep up with me today Cara."

She drones on about things Kara finds she doesn't care about much at all, but she forces herself to focus. Things are going well for the most part, and Kara is almost relieved at the normalcy of it all. If she angles her body to keep an eye on the door at all times, Cat doesn't seem to notice.

It seems Hank's extended stint as Supergirl in Kara's absence has made any lingering suspicion from months ago disappear. Kara's grateful that at least one positive thing is coming out of her captivity.

"-ou believe this drivel? The infamous _Lois Lane_ writing an expose on something as trite as a crazy religious cult?" Cat scowls up at her monitors, and Kara looks and sees various photos depicting men with crazed looks and cowering women in the background. She squints as she reads some of the text, and she's unaware when her face blanches.

"She's going to win another Pulitzer for this," Cat mutters.

Kara doesn't notice because she's too focused on rereading a passage pertaining to an interview with a woman that had been kept underground for sixth months by her captors.

Sweat pearls on her forehead as she looks at the photo that accompanies the section - the woman is gaunt and her eyes haunted. Kara knows that look. She's seen it in the mirror just this very morning as she'd been trying to prepare herself for work.

Her focus slips, and everything around her begins to be _too much_. She can hear everything for miles, the voices overlapping with honking cars and feet that stomp against pavement. She's looking past the monitors now, past the building, so far that she can see the flickering red lights of a cellphone tower.

"Kiera?" she hears from far away.

Kara's mouth is open as she pants for breath, and when she looks toward her boss all she sees is flesh and the pumping red of her blood.

"No," Kara says as she backs away and covers her head with her hands. She needs to get a grip. She's safe. Alex is safe.

She hears James and Winn come in, but when she looks up all she sees is everything underneath - the terrifying crimson - and she wants to scream. She closes her eyes and tries to regain some kind of control.

"Kara," James coaxes gently. "Kara, here."

She opens her eyes hesitantly and focuses on the object he's extending in her direction. It's a phone. Her hand trembles as she forces herself to take it, because she _knows_ this is James and he wouldn't hurt her.

"Kara? Kara, are you alright? I'm almost there."

The relief she feels at hearing Alex's voice is instantaneous, and she blocks out everything but the voice on the other end of the line.

"Alex?"

"I'm three blocks away," Alex tells her. She remains on the line, and a few minutes later Kara can hear her quick breaths that tell Kara she's now on foot.

Kara drops the phone when Alex is suddenly in the doorway, the lines around her eyes and mouth visible in her concern. Kara swoops forward into her arms without waiting for an invitation.

Alex's leather jacket is cold against her cheek, but she's safe. Alex is safe.

"Kiera." Cat's voice is unusually soft, and Kara turns her head slowly so she can look at her boss. She remains firmly within Alex's embrace.

Miss Grant's face is pinched with concern, and Kara knows she's really done it now. "Maybe you should take another few days to recuperate."

Kara's lips purse. She's doing a poor job of pretending to be her old self if Cat's looking at her like this. She swallows past her stubbornness and pride and nods. "I think maybe that's a good idea."

Alex doesn't let go of her hand until they're back at Kara's apartment.

* * *

Alex becomes a fixture at Kara's apartment for a while, spending more time there than at her own place. James, although at first a little uncomfortable with the change, embraces her presence. With Alex around the next three weeks, Kara is actually slowly doing _better_.

Kara isn't sure what to make of the new living arrangement. She _loves_ being with Alex, but her feelings about James haven't changed. She wonders how he doesn't feel like a third wheel. Her stomach clenches painfully when she considers that maybe he does - but he loves her so much that it doesn't matter.

She knows Alex isn't completely comfortable with how things are either, but she doesn't seem to mind the first few weeks.

It isn't long however until Alex begins spending more nights away from the apartment. These nights when Alex is away aren't the easiest, but they're certainly _easier_ than they were when Kara first moved back to her apartment.

It helps that Alex nearly always answers her calls, or sends a text when a call isn't feasible. Kara's return as Supergirl has been limited, and J'onn is still helping her. She hopes to be in a better place soon. Some things still trigger bad memories, but she's learning to control her reactions. Most of the time.

The calls help.

Sometimes she wishes that things had been different, but she knows that wishing for such things are pointless. When she'd first come to Earth she'd done plenty of wishing; it had never helped then either.

Kara clicks through her emails placidly as she thinks, though she freezes when she gets to an email from Cat. She opens the mail marked 'urgent' and can't suppress a smile.

Cat's trip to Metropolis has been extended, and Kara only has a few more small things to take care of before she can leave work early. She's reminded that although Cat isn't always her favorite person, sometimes her boss can be pretty nice.

She finishes the tasks in a whirlwind, already planning what she'll do with the extra free time.

"Hey," James calls out as she passes his office. "What are you in such a hurry for? Is there something I need to know? Is Cat coming back early?" His face is twisted into a cartoonish version of fear, and she knows he's joking.

Her smile widens as she slows down enough to respond. "No. She actually just gave me the rest of the afternoon off."

James looks surprised, though his eyes twinkle after a moment. "You know, I could cut out of here early too. We're not on a deadline or anything."

Kara's smile dims and she has to swallow around the sudden lump in her throat. She brings up a hand and fidgets with her glasses. "Oh, I don't know. Is that really a good idea? I don't want you to get in trouble."

She's trying her best to sound upbeat and _fine_ , but she can see in the way that James' face falls that she's failed to conceal her true feelings.

James rubs at the back of his neck with one hand as he seriously contemplates something. He's looking away from her when he speaks. "You already had plans, huh?"

"W-well, I mean, not exactly. I mean I'd be lying if I said I didn't have something in mind but it's not th-"

He holds up a hand with a tight smile on his face, his wedding ring glinting as a reminder to Kara. "No, it's okay. You don't have to explain anything to me."

Kara's heart feels like it's in her throat when he turns away and goes back into her office. They're _married_. They're married and she hardly ever spends any time alone with him. Kara decides that he's wrong. She does need to explain something to him, and soon.

For now, there's a pizza she needs to pick up in Texas that she knows a certain DEO agent will _love_.

"Conans!" Alex crows when she sees the box. Vasquez gives her an odd look, so she's quick to grab Kara's arm and lead the way to a more private area.

The break room is empty, and Alex hums when Kara neatly serves her a slice.

Kara's laughing as she tucks into her own piece of pizza, and Alex rolls her eyes and throws a crumpled up napkin at her.

"You'll choke," Alex warns around a large bite.

"Pretty sure Supergirl won't be defeated by a slice of pizza." She shoves the last of the slice into her mouth and collects another. "I oo all da da-eeting whe ih cos oo izza!"

Alex laughs so hard that she has to put her pizza down, and Kara revels in the sound. When they were captives she never thought she'd get to see Alex this happy again - or feel so happy herself. She's even more confident about the decision she made earlier to speak with James.

Kara swallows the bite she's working on and licks her lips nervously. "You coming over tonight?"

The pizza box has suddenly become incredibly fascinating, at least if Alex's blank stare at it is anything to go by.

Kara can hear Alex's heart suddenly beating faster in her chest. She sits straighter in preparation for whatever Alex is about to say.

"About that...I think you're doing _so_ much better now, and I'm worried that at this point I'm more of a hindrance than a help." Alex finally looks up and there's a wry smile on her face.

Though Kara believes there's a level of truth to what Alex is saying, she knows there's more to it. Her lips purse as she leans back in her chair. Kara had kissed Alex without thinking the last time she'd come over. Kisses between them were rare now; saved for the moments when either one of them was struggling to come to terms with a bad memory.

Last time hadn't been anything like that. It'd just been the two of them on the couch with a cute romantic comedy. Kara knows she'd crossed a line, but she hadn't _meant_ to. Her feelings for Alex have just been eclipsing everything else.

"Well, I don't think that but I do trust your judgement," Kara says after a moment. Alex looks relieved, and Kara chuckles to herself.

James isn't the only one she's determined to have a talk with.

"Wanna see what I'm working on?" Alex asks after finally finishing her lone slice of pizza.

"Sure."

They share a smile. Alex is feeling good enough that she actually takes back a slice for Vasquez. Kara offers the pleased looking technical analyst a grin but keeps a possessive hand on Alex's bicep.

Kara likes Vasquez, but she's only willing to share her pizza.

* * *

The apartment is empty when Kara gets home, and she's a little surprised. James should have been off of work by now. She digs into her pocket to try and find her phone - maybe he left her a message.

There are no notifications of a message or missed call. Kara nibbles on her lower lip worriedly. He usually lets her know if he won't be home. Still, it's only a little past when he would normally be home so she decides to wait for a while.

She stares at the photo frames lining the hallway and takes a shaky breath. Most of them are of her and James - sometimes alone, sometimes with a group. They're laughing or smiling in nearly every image. There's a hollow feeling in Kara's chest as she looks at them. She steps forward and brushes her index finger against a great photo of him with his signature grin and twinkling eyes.

He deserves more than she's been giving him, he's a good man. When she'd accepted his proposal, she'd had every intention of devoting herself to loving him for the rest of her life.

Her secret hope for Alex had been shuttered away long ago when it was clear that Alex only ever saw her as a cute little sister. The result of her confession the night of her bachelorette party had been wholly unforeseen.

A photo with Alex in it catches her attention out of the corner of her eye, and she turns to pick it up. Alex looks stern, but Kara can see the mirth barely hidden in the slightly upturned lips and half-lidded eyes.

Oh, how Kara wishes that she'd gotten to speak to Alex the morning of her wedding.

She hangs the photo back up and walks away, wanting to avoid the same thoughts that had plagued her from the moment she'd finished showering to find Alex gone. Anxiety is licking at her stomach like a spark waiting to burst into a blaze, and she paces in effort to try and smother it before it can do so.

It doesn't help, so she begins a circuit of the apartment. She checks the windows and lone door to ensure they're locked, followed by peeking into all the nooks and crannies she knows are big enough to hide someone - and all the ones that really aren't, too.

Her super senses have already confirmed she's alone, but she breathes carefully in and out for several moments to try and dispel that last bit of unease. She's safe, there's no one here that can hurt her.

Not _physically_ , anyway.

She shakes her head and checks the time. It's only been half an hour, but it's long enough for her to lose her patience. She needs to talk to James so she can talk with someone else.

She sends him a quick text asking where he is, and sits on the couch as she waits for a response. Nothing comes for several minutes, so she decides to turn the TV on for a while. None of the shows catch her interest after nearly ten minutes of looking, so she puts on National Geographic.

The program is mindless and soothing, the droning of the narrator helping to block out the thoughts that scare her and would threaten to overwhelm her with doubt.

She falls asleep holding her phone.

By the time James arrives home with his sleeves rolled up and faintly smelling of a bar, her phone has landed on the floor. He stares at her as she sleeps, and where he once felt joy and hope, now there's only sorrow.

He's not an idiot. He knows that he's lost her, despite all his wishes for the opposite to be true. Anger makes his jaw clench. He's not upset with her - well he is, a little - but most of his fury rests with the creatures that have stolen his Kara. The Kara he once knew has changed and become something different, and though he'd like to get to know this new her, it's clearly not something _she_ wants.

James loves Kara in a way that he never thought he would. It's just as strong as how he felt for Lucy, but _different_. Kara's unique ability to see good and possibility in the unlikeliest of places would have drawn his attention even if she'd never become Supergirl - of that, he's sure.

As Kara tosses and turns, hands twitching and face twisting, he mourns. For a while he's hoped that Alex could help restore more of the old Kara or help him find his way back to her, but all the nights he's faced alone in the master bedroom have amounted to nothing.

He's envied Alex and Kara's bond, wishing that Kara's sister could share just _some_ of that so he and Kara could just _connect_ again.

His thoughts are disrupted when Kara cries out. Perspiration glistens on her forehead as she shifts restlessly. James pushes aside his feelings and approaches her. His hands are gentle as he brushes carefully at her hair and face.

"Hey," he says softly, "it's just a dream."

Kara begins to wake up, and she flinches when she sees him.

"It's just me." There's glass in his throat as he tries to swallow, and his eyes sting. He can see the moment Kara recognizes him, and it's not relief that shows on her face. Kara looks solemn.

"Hi."

The word is loud in the suddenly quiet room, and something heavy seemingly slams down on James's shoulders. "Kara-"

"James," Kara interrupts him carefully and brings up a hand to rest on his shoulder. The touch is familiar - and James is dizzy with pain now because it's a touch he hasn't felt since before Kara was taken.

"We need to talk."

James is not an idiot, and he's already shedding silent tears as she begins to speak.

* * *

The city is a blur as Kara does several passes over it. She's looking down and around, but she's not seeing anything.

James had taken things about as much as she'd expected. His tears had started her own, and they'd been a mess even before she'd gotten to the important part. She couldn't tell him in the end - leaving him was enough. Telling him she's in love with Alex would have only made things so much worse for him. She's hurt him enough.

She hovers in the air for a bit and just drinks in the cold beauty of National City at night, the lights winking at her much as she imagines the stars would if she flew up a little higher.

It's tempting to do so, but she's not finished for the night. Her eyes are gritty from crying, but she's tired of putting aside her feelings. She's tired of waiting to see how things work out. She gave her old life a try.

The way to Alex's is like muscle memory, and she sucks in a shaky breath when she lands on the tiny ledge Alex jokingly refers to as her 'balcony'.

She already knows Alex is home and awake. Alex has quietly told her that though she seems to be doing much better than Kara, she's still struggling too.

Kara is unsurprised to find Alex on her back doing flutter kicks in the living room. This is Alex's favorite way to force herself to sleep; an intense workout followed by a lazy shower and an hour or two staring at the ceiling as she waits for the absolute fatigue to set in.

The moment Kara touches the window Alex has rolled and pulled a gun from under the couch. Kara raises her hands up in supplication, a wry smile on her face.

"I tried calling," she says in lieu of an apology.

Alex pants and lowers her weapon, her thumb flicking the safety on as her free hand comes up to wipe at the sweat making her hair stick to her face.

"Kara, what are you doing here?" She's still breathing a little heavily, and though Kara has come here to have a serious chat, she's distracted by the dark tank top clinging to Alex's torso.

"I need to talk to you." Kara wants to elaborate, but fear makes the words stick in her throat.

All of a sudden it's the morning of her wedding again, and Alex has slipped away without a word. The memories surface of rejected calls and Alex's air of business-as-usual mere hours after sharing one of the most intense, intimate moments of Kara's life.

Alex loves her. Kara _knows_ she does. Alex has always been first in line to help her, first in line to offer up whatever she's needed.

Her mind freezes on that thought. Her heartbeat begins to accelerate as she slowly looks up at Alex. Alex has only ever _touched_ her when she's practically begged for it.

Acid roils in her stomach as she tries to shake the thought away.

Kara's vision begins to blacken around the edges, and spots seem to dance before her eyes as her hand clenches at her stomach.

"Kara?" she hears from far away.

There's pressure on her face and shoulder; it's light, but she feels it.

"Kara, _breathe_."

And all of a sudden Kara is gulping great lungfuls of air in. Her vision begins to clear.

Alex is standing right in front of her and looking panicked.

Kara wants to ask, but she's afraid to know the answer. She finds herself leaning forward to land a desperate kiss on Alex's lips.

She's used more force than she should have, she knows. There's a faint metallic tang to the kiss, but Alex's lips are pliant and accepting. Kara squeezes her eyes shut and tries not to cry.

Alex's hands are moving in soft caresses around her neck and shoulders, occasionally sweeping up to move through her hair in great long motions.

Kara can feel Alex trying to soothe her and slow her down, but it only makes the desperation she's been trying to control slip entirely from her grip.

Her motions are frantic, and when Alex pulls away and says 'no', she stops moving and just cries.

"Kara, please." Alex's words are full of sorrow, but she stays a careful foot away from Kara. "You're married."

The words give Kara a glimmer of hope, and she straightens. "Not for long. I asked James for a divorce."

Alex's face becomes stony for a moment before melting back into concern. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Kara laughs, but it's not a happy sound. The laugh is cut short by a sob as Kara ducks her face down and covers it with her hand. "I can't be with him any more. I never should have married him."

"Kara, just hold on a second. We went through a lot, but I _know_ you still love him."

Alex's voice that's meant to be gentle and calming just makes Kara so _angry_. She clenches her fists and grinds her teeth as she tries to get a hold on her temper. Neither helps.

"I love _you!_ " she shouts angrily.

She wants to throw up. There's _pity_ on Alex's face, and it's just as Kara has feared.

"I love you too," Alex says carefully. It's clear she's intentionally misunderstanding Kara.

"No," Kara says with a pained smile as she shakes her head almost violently from side to side, "not like I love you."

There's a flicker of something on Alex's face, but it's gone before Kara can identify it.

"I'm in love with you, Alex." Kara's careful to enunciate her words precisely, oh so very _tired_ of misunderstandings and unspoken things.

The flicker is back and gone until Alex's face is a nearly comical war of two emotions - terror and joy.

Alex's lips part, and they're trembling. She looks at Kara with disbelief.

"You love James more," Alex says in a quivering voice.

"No," Kara corrects patiently.

"No," Alex echoes hollowly. She's staring at something behind Kara and her arms are curled protectively around her own torso. "No, this isn't real."

Kara's heart is in her throat as she moves forward and tries to bring Alex into a hug.

"No!" Alex jerks away, and there's a wild look in her eyes. "You're just reacting to everything that happened. When you've had more time to heal, you'll realize that. You'll go back to James."

"Alex-"

"No, you need to _go_."

Alex's voice breaks on the last word, and tears are sliding down her face in rapid succession.

Kara's instinct is to push forward and try again and again until Alex will listen to her - but the look on Alex's face makes her think to only months ago when Kara was strapped down to a table and watching Alex slowly die.

Control has been ripped away from them both before, and Kara won't try to force the truth from Alex. Her own fears are tearing at her mind like crows ripping at carrion, but now isn't the time to try and figure out whatever this thing is between her and Alex.

One or both of them just might go mad trying to figure it out.

"Okay," Kara says after a few moments. She doesn't recognize her own voice, and it doesn't help her feel better. There's a fog around her that's insulating her from her emotions as she wanders back to the window she came in.

She tries to find a grounded part of herself that knows that this feeling is temporary - but her foundation has always been built around Alex. Right now she's feeling anything but grounded and safe.

 _Alex loves me_ , she tells herself as she blindly takes off from the tiny ledge.

She flies and flies until the sun kisses the eastern sky, and it's so beautiful and surreal that Kara wonders if this _is_ all really just another horrible nightmare and she's still strapped down and at the whim of alien captors.

It certainly feels like it. She doesn't have to look down to know that her limbs are free and this is very much reality; because at the end of it all Alex won't be here to comfort her.


End file.
